The Correlation Between Attractive Girls and Their Insecurity.

Well, i think i have forgotten how to conduct and experiment or something because i've left psyc for 2 years at least for now. But i would love to talk about the correlation for pretty girls and their self esteem. I am not generalising, but that is what in my mind.

Pretty girls are welcome everywhere(almost), just look at your boyfriend which direction is he looking when a pretty girl or a bunch of girls walked into the shops or the place you both were at. For sure 99.99% of the guys will look at the girl/s. why because basically guys are horny(just saying out for fun to satisfy female, and because the attraction of both sexuality. Well, this is not what i want to talk about, to get deeper into the topic, i would like to talk about, the pretty chicks self-esteem.

Girls CARE for their physical appearences. From the up to the bottom down, from their head up down to their legs. In the other words, girls(especially pretty gals). Why is that, maybe you guys should check it out. : )

Look, when u are attractive, everyone start talking bout your physical appearences and it becomes your identity." Damn, look at the PRETTY gal". See the emphasize on the word 'pretty'. It BECAME your IDENTITY. They mention your looks, they will tell you how pretty you are, everywhere you go, they talk about it. But MORE importantly, the more you hear it, and the more you think about it, the more you begin to realize that there are OTHER women that are MORE attractive than you. You always think about it because it comes into topics, and you keep thinking about it.

Look, women will automatically look into the mirrors if they passes by any(well, i did that too but its for tidyness). If they feel unsatisfied, they will approach the nearest washroom and tidy up themselves, or to make up. Since look is the most important thing for them because thye always think about it.

When a women with bigger breasts passes them by, they would most likely to think, " if i got a bigger boobs, it would be better"

If a thin women pass by, they would be most likely to think, " i will look much more better if i am slimmer"

Or even the hair colours of the lady theat walk pass them, she will starts to wonder whether her color was right.

These kind of things TRIGGERS insecurity everytime it happens. These kind of things get worse the more the attractive a woman is....

Now, imagine a woman that got a 'average look'If your looks are "average", you don't hear about them so much.Your looks aren't the topic of every conversation. Your looks aren't your "identity" the way they are for the beautiful girl.

And since you don't think about your looks as much, and don't talk about your looks as much, you don't feel that deep insecurity as often when an attractive woman walks by. Reality can be pretty weird sometimes. It's different for each of us. You can put a beautiful woman in a room with 100 guys who all think she's the hottest thingthey've ever seen... but she'll still feel like "nothing special" and that she looks horrible that evening and she will be thinking about how one of her girlfriends just got a boob job and how insecure she feels now because guys look at those new boobs a lot.

The reality of THIS situation is that very few women have the "whole package". The combination of looks, personality, emotional stability, and intelligence is RARE.

As a result, the more attractive the girl is, the more she has a sense of INSECURITY, thus, lead to a lower self-esteem.

International and Internet Marketing

I never fall asleep in the class before, never ever ; ), since college i mean. But hey, it happened in 2 consecutive days for me last week and the classes were totaly 'fantastic'. Can you imagine how terrible was the class? Anyone who suffered from Insomnia, join the class and 100% you can sleep else 100% cash return.

Maybe you will say why i chose these 2 subs. Its because this is a short semester, although i need to spend8 hours a week for him, but i dont have to stay any longer than that to see him. Under marketing subjective,when you do your assignment, the first page you need to put is executive summary. So he was like briefly explaining what does the term mean, OMJ(G chnaged to J, she will know why) and he said, "executive summary is a summary". Duzh, i know i know thats a summary. And the class bursted into laughter. Haih... 8 Hours a week, and the same lecturer......

Party Time

Sorry to tell myself that my party time only consist of 2 days, which is Saturday and Sunday and thats freaking little fo rme, normally i'll take 2 week to slack:)

Got to do my stupid moral assignment later on,OMFG. And i got a class on friday, YES stupid LAN classssss....

Later on monday will be the new semester. Oh, not to forget the General Electric and Ogilvy & Mather workshop. I will be facilitating people from college, yeah, its time for eye-washing. Hope to spot some wonderful chicks. Well, dun misunderstood, just to have a few look only.

No words can describe my feelings for you , no words!

For FUn

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

Holly Crap

Athletic Kid

Even if you weren't a football star, you spent a good amount of time playing sports and keeping fit. People may have stereotyped you as a "dumb jock" - but they underestimated your will, wit, and determination.

Who Were You In High School?

Not true.

You Are a Martini

There's no other way to say it: you're a total lush. You hold your liquor well, and you hold a lot of it!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

What the, eh, the results are almost the same, whats wrong MK?

You Are Balanced - Realist - Empowered

You feel your life is controlled both externally and internally. You have a good sense of what you can control and what you should let go. Depending on the situation, you sometimes try to exert more control. Other times, you accept things for what they are and go with the flow. You are a realist when it comes to luck. You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random. You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you... But you do your best to try to make your own luck. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order. You realize that working the system does get you further. You know who to defer to and who to control. When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly.

The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test

This is kinda true.

On Average, You Would Sell Out For

$1,086,039

At What Price Would You Sell Out?

I tot he say 10 mil, i wont give up sex for money, no no way.

Your Hidden Talent

You're super sensitive and easily able to understand situations. You tend to solve complex problems in a flash, without needing a lot of facts. Decision making is easy for you. You have killer intuition. The right path is always clear, and you're a bit of a visionary.

What's Your Hidden Talent?

But not on one thing..! HEHE

Well, You Know What a Blog Is...

You got 3/8 correct! But, truthfully, most blogs probably bore you.

How Much Do You Know About Blogging?

You should thou MK, i got 3.

What Your Sleeping Position Says

You have a passion for everything - including sleeping. Outgoing and brash, you tend to still shock those who know you well. You tend to be selfish. You are the most likely type to hog the covers. You gravitate toward comfort and don't like extreme situations.

What Does Your Sleeping Position Say About You?

Kinda true.

Your Seduction Style: Fantasy Lover

You know that ideal love that each of us dreams of from childhood? That's you! Not because you posess all of the ideal characteristics, but because you are a savvy shape shifter. You have the uncanny ability to detect someone's particular fantasy... and make it you. You inspire each person to be an idealist and passionate, and you make each moment memorable Even a simple coffee date with you can be the most romantic moment of someone's life By giving your date exactly what he or she desires, you quickly become the ideal lover. Your abilities to make dreams come true is so strong, that you are often the love of many people's lives. Your ex's (and even people you have simply met or been friends with) long to be yours. No doubt you are the one others have dreamed of... your biggest challenge is finding *your* dream lover.

What Kind of Seducer Are You?

This proof that i am good! I want to make my dreams come true.

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is an incubator for good ideas, it just takes a while for them to develop. But when you think of something, watch out! Your thoughts tend to be huge, and they come on quickly - like an explosion. You tend to be quiet around others, unless you're inspired by your next big idea.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

But not when i am with my good pals.

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle. But you may be ready in a couple of years. You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment. And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Ok, i think so, not marriage yet.

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Omg, i am getting older, from 24 to 27.

Your Inner Child Is Surprised

You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things.

How Is Your Inner Child?

i think sooo...

Your Birthdate: September 1

You are a natural born leader, even if those leadership talents haven't been developed yet. You have the power and self confidence to succeed in life, and your power grows daily. Besides power, you also have a great deal of creativity that enables you to innovate instead of fail. You are a visionary, seeing the big picture instead of all of the trivial little details. Your strength: Your supreme genius Your weakness: Your inappropriate sensitivity Your power color: Gold Your power symbol: Star Your power month: January

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Breath You in

Tried so hard to not walk away
And when things didn't go my way
I'll still carry on and on just the same

I've always been strong
But can't make this happen
'Cause I need to breathe, I want to breathe you in
I want to breathe you in

I'm going in, so cover me
Your compass will, help me turn the page
The laughing stock, I'll never be
Because I won't let them take me

Took awhile to see all the love thats around me
Through the highs and lows there's a truth that I've known
And it's You
I want to breath you in

Darkness!

Now, the things are at their bottom, it gonna rise soon, soon thou. Its a turning point. Can you believe an external paper came out with some questions that i didnt even practise? Wahaha, its great, i still completed 2 questions , not bad, going to failed this paper.

BORINGGGGGG.....

Sleepless Night

How many hours i spent on bed these few days? Man, i guess i could use my fingers and count them all. Yea, this is the worst paper that i can take, just because i hate to apply formulas on my financial management. So to not repeat the subject again, i forced myself to do all the question, although i am still far away for the coming exam on monday. Yes, freaking monday.

I've been busy, i slept at 5am today and i got to wake up at 8.30am to fetch my brother to work. My dad sent his own car to the workshop because he went Sabah again. One car 'forever' in the workshop and left the old Honda. I fetched him because i got LAN class at 12. Man, i don't really like the class, well, it's not boring at all, but i just don't agreed on her values, her theories at all. What kinda feminist theory. Not trying to criticise her, but her's sucks big. Usually it is my day when my dad went overseas because i don't have to care for the time for being late back home. I don't know, he never stopped me before, i reached home at 4.30, he said nothing, 5am in the moring he said nothing also. But why i just reached home early when he was around but i just stay up till so late if he is not around?

Well, a lot of things went through my mind as well. The feeling is just not good, am i wrong to get myself in all this shits? Or it is not worth to wait for the things that you will regret if you let go? Fuck, hey no way, no letting go. A friend of mine told me that i will know the worth if i can get.

I gave myself some time actually, i've tested myself, if...i do not think of her when i am busy, then i think i should let go, but when i am busy, i still feel the urge to want her, see her. Well, it even get stronger at times so i think i am really into "this". Why its is because if i am free and i got nothing to do, i might just want to get involved in 'this' for my pass time, but hell no, its not. I am know what i am doing, but...ARG, its undescriable. : )

"Waiting"

"Waiting"

No matter what I do
I'll always wait for you
So I guess that's, that's what I got to do

It seems I'm spending so much time waiting
And when you can't make up your mind
I'm waiting for you
If that's what it requires
Then waiting's what I'll do
So hurry yourself up
I'm waiting

Just hang up that phone
You already know on your own
What you need to do
And what you got to do
It feels like I'm losing my mind
You know that I'll deal just fine

It seems I'm spending so much time waiting
And when you can't make up your mind
I'm waiting for you
If that's what it requires
Then waiting's what I'll do
So hurry yourself up
I'm waiting

I know you're thinking
That loves a gamble
And you're not sure that you gonna win, now babe
Take your money and double your bet
And see what happens and watch out
I'm taking my love down to your pawnshop
Tell me baby what should I get
A wedding ring and a boom box
Boom box boom box boom box ooowww

And what else can I say
It will do no good anyway
As long as you know that I'll keep waiting

It seems I'm spending so much time waiting
And when you can't make up your mind
I'm waiting for you
If that's what it requires
Then waiting's what I'll do
So hurry yourself up
I'm waiting

And what else can I say
It will do no good anyway
As long as you know that I'll keep waiting

For you I'd wait forever
Because I know that one day we'll be together
Maybe it's because you know I'll wait
You know I'll wait
I'm still waiting

Maybe

A guy from US , his name is Nick, he asked me, whats the difference bewteen vitamin and hormones? A h20 if you can, give me your answer. Back to the topic

Maybe is hormone imbalance, maybe is because of exams soon, maybe is the answers that i got. Well, whats the reason i dun know. But well, maybe it is a mistake since from the very beginning, very very beginning, i dont know how long i can hold on to the gound, its not like something that people usually faced, but, it is an undescriable feelings.Its not tiring but i dont know why.

Arg, fuck it la.

Speeding!

Well, there are operasi all over because its Deepa-Raya. Deepa-Raya means the new year For the Hindus and Malays, thats the combination of 2 words, which are Deepavali and Hari Raya. The Malaysian try to short cut it so its now being call Deepa-Raya, and they are good at that.

Speed Kill, and there are stats that keep track on how many people died in road kill. Well, its increasing everyday but i still want to blame Sami-Velu on that because of the road structure. Yeah, he is an idiot, because he wear fake hair to cover up. ISO ISO, shhhhhhhh.......i am unconscious while i am writting this so they cant sue me.

So, i sent my Grandma and my 3rd aunty to KLIA, its a killer becuase the max i can speed was 110-115kmph, and its freaking slow and it took me more then 1 Hour to reach the Departure. I am kinda tired actually although i've forgoten what i've did. So on the way home i did SPEED. Someone said she want to follow but FFK in the end(you know who yuo are man).

Since the car i am driving is not like some Celica, Supra, TT, Evo equipped with some Wet and Dry Neon, 19 inches sports Rims and Tyres, Modified Engine , Higher level ECU, Upgraded transmission, or even some Turbo... so the max that i got up was 175kmph at around 5. something RPM. Plus the way home is a straight away, so what to do? A car till tailgate me, but who cares la, if he wants just follow, i am so bored because i am the only car speeding. But too bad, when i reach 160kmph, the car just refused to follow and move to the left lane, what a coward.

So i spent around 30 mins to get my arse back to Cheras. That was fast thou. And i felt guilty the second day because i might just miss something, maybe there's a small stone, some sands, or the corner that i can just missed, or maybe the tyre just pancit.

Oh my gawd, i am so damn lucky that i am still here. What if, i mean what if i die, MAN, the most scary part was, i cant see her anymore, i cant talk to her, and i cant be with her, omg. And my family...imagine, my dad sure wonn cry one, but sure he susah hait till the max la.

So its better not too speed next time, with the old car, but different case if you got a sports car.

Dito

Ok, there will be more after finals. Wait, what am i doing here? blogging? OMG? I dont think i should be here at least for this moment right? I tot i am supposed to do soemthing more important?

The World Is You- Jealousy Curve

Wouldn't you like to take some time
Feel yourself completely
Breathing out the song
That you keep inside

Wouldn't you like to make them smile
Show them you're a wonder
Offer them the world
And the world is you...

Wouldn't you like a second chance
Use what you've been given
Prove it to us all
That there's one more dance

Wouldn't you like to see a change
Show us we can make one
Offer us the world
And the world is you...

On the left side, facing us the wrong way
Spending lifetimes searching for your own disguise
The feeling keeps you from believing
In the one thing some of us were born to hide
A greatness lives within your reaches
And the hope is, maybe when you lie to sleep
You'll be looking forward to the morning
And the mirror, waking to the face of love

Finally, but what's next? Exams?

Ok, finally. I finished my assignments. What, i completed Buyer Behavior Assignments? What? Man,I did all the references, i cited every single details i used, i am so freaking surprise, normally i will steal some bones(curi-tulang) and avoid some of the citation. Finally, then follow by by Financial Management Assignemtn No. 3. Where on earth got people said FM is easy and BB is tough? It should be the other way round, right? I hate maths, but not in real money term.

Anyway, anyhow? I finally can get some GOOD AND TIGHT sleep. Yes, at least for one day. I dont have to worry. Can do pig, not bad huh. 2 more weeks to my finals. You can do it. Please, if anyone sees me wasting mytime, please help me to get back to my books.

RM1024.41

Ok, thats the first step for me to invest on something, i will invest more once i've got more money.(although i lose some edi)

Been really busy with those stupid assignment, first time spent on much effort on an assignment, the satisfaction that you feel, it is good nuff said.

I've read a post about politics before i begin to write this. Thats the thing that keep on happening. But if you look at the problem from a different angel, it will become the fun part, a real experience that you will gain, and to overcome it next time when you face the problem.

Recently, i've discovered something among my friends in college. Theres a few of them love to give empty promises(i take that as empty promises). Well, it does not happen on me, but thats the way how i look at them because they used the way to treat people. And i don't really appreciate the way the use. Moreover, they way the fakers used, IS DAMN LOUSY LA I TELL YOU DEY. Shit, i don't use that anymore man, but these girls are still using it, haha. I got amused though.

It's a mixed feelings, amused, irritating, funny, and definitely, freaking pissed off. So with the all of them blended in a cup, its like mixing teh o ais, milo ais, syrup ais, guniess stout, heineken, nue ye hong all together in a shot and i have to drink it. I tell you, definitely cirit-birit, else, sure go hospital to clean your stomach. But too bad, they cant because i know how to let go and dont look on this matter seriously.

Ahh...stop here.

Adjustment

Well, i do need some adjustment from my part. So far, everything is still, fine. Hope nothing will occurs because i might just burst out. Its time for some patient challenge again. Yes, am not that patient if things are not what i want or something that i am not willing to do.

There is a way i can think of, and its to get my arse outta Malaysia as soon as possible. Yes, so far, thats the only way i can think of. Sometimes, its better to flight than fight. : ), but well, nothing serious thou.

Ok, back to my assignment again.

I miss you before you're gone

Baby i do understand
What are the reasons you are keeping me away
But well, i don't make a promise that i cant keep
I vow myself to be a real good man
In your eyes i can see the glow of love
Hoping i am the one you are dreaming of.

Let me be the one,
Be the one to take care of you
The one who lighten up your lights
The one that set the fire up
The one that can hold you closer when you cry,
just to the you smile again
The one to love you.

I am walking blindly to the destination i want
Please don't try to understand
with no guarentee and no sense of security
But i know the other side is the place that i want myself to be
The other side is getting further each day,
I began to miss you before you're gone
I am just so afraid that i will lose it all,
but the sad case was, i don't even have things to lose.

one word, HIGH

WELL, I think this is better than getting 7As for PMR, a few As for SPM, the HIGH'ness, the shock'NESS, WOOHOO, you just want EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT. YEAH, I THINK YUO CAN WRACK ME, PUNCH ME, INSULT ME I ALSO GOT NO FEELING, YES. FELT THAT BEFORE? YES. GUESS WHAT, WHEN YOU ARE FEELING GREAT, this GREAT, YOU WILL WANT TO SHARE, WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS, but too bad, my daddy, sleeping now.

GOSH, A FRIEND OF MINE EVEN DARE ME, DARE TO COME AND CELEBRATE NOW? HA, no, i dont.

YES, I am FEELING DAMN FREAKING GOOD.

Listen

missing you like mad
missing you like crazy
which one is more killing?
which one is more suffering?

wanna be with you when you are down
wanna be with you when you are happy
sharing the ups and downs
just wanna be around

distance is the obstacle
time is the barrier
trusting is the key
i hope you believe in me

when i can be with you
i know i have found my home
when i am alone with you
i know i am a whole
when you are here with me
i cant believe this could be

i can assure with words i say
you will never be in dismay
i could always stay awake
just to walk thru all the ways
and i hope i will never be too late

everytime i look at you
baby sure i'll see something new
cant you tell,
you have been all over me like a evil spell

since the day i meet you i've been blind to see
i am afraid to wake up from the dream from the inside me
i might not happen to me
but i want it to be reality
because you are like a dream so deep inside of me

please open up the door
because it just a little bit more
for me to walk one inch more
to lower down the lour

if you want someone
i hope i could be the one
you dun need to look somewhere
because i am just ahead
cuz no matter what i do
the reasons are b'cuz of you

am in a game with no end, so?
will i let it go, no.
time is passing by
i tremble as i always try
to tell you all the why
and it has to turn out right
because if you believe in me
i will always want it to be

when i couldnt answers questions, its you
when i couldnt sleep at all, it because of you
i just wanna know
where you wanna go
do you think i will stop for what i been leaving out these night
and the answer will be no.

Happy 21st birthday, Khui Khui.

Ok, i am very tired...after football, but still, since tomorrow is your birthday, i shall say soemthing here, to satisfy you.

Let me ask you guys, what kind of food you people like the most? Why you love the food? What are the reasons? Well, i believe you all favor on specific kind of food because of the unique taste that you people love, right?

Let's say. What if you order the food, and you found out the taste of the food was like...kind of different, the food will not become the food that you crave for because there's something missing in, right? Well, maybe is because of the taste, i dont really know.Or the cook didnt put enough Ajinamoto inside, or the cook forget to put some leaves, or meat or anything that you can think of.

So Khui Khui is like the taste, she is the certain flavor of the food you like, else it would be tasteless. She is the kind of friend that will satisfy you, fullfill your craving. She is the kind of friend that you must have in your group, clan, or gang. A must.

She is like the certain taste, if she is not around, there would be less fun(but lucky got me, haha). Just like the food that you love but lacking something. Imagine if my life is without khui Khui, then it woul dbe... Well, your life will still move on, but less fun, less excitement. Just like the food, you can still eat it, but it would be kinda tasteless, not that nice.

When you are not hapy, down or no mood, she will be like the food you crave for to release your tension. I believe that you people do like to consume certain food right when you are less happy. For example, girls prefer chocolate to be as their serotonin. So i guess she is the kind of girl. Or the food, whatever you name it.

before i drag this post to nobody business, this is a post for Mun Khui. It is a credit to her. And from here i wish her Hapy 21st Birthday.

p/s: happy now, anything in return?

hanya bidadari sebagai ganti

seindah
tiada lagi kau kuingatkan
sayang kau hilang
menanti
biar sampai akhir hayat ku di dunia ini

kau tahu betapa ku sayang padamu
hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
(hooooh)
hanya takdir menentukan ia
oh belaian jiwa

oh angin
sampaikan laguku padanya
yang sedih pilu
terimalah
laguku jadi teman hidupmu
tuk selamanya

kau tahu betapa ku sayang padamu
hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
(hooooh)
hanya takdir menentukan ia
oh belaian jiwa

sayang
kembalilah padaku
ku rindu belaianmu
ku harap kita bersama
selamanya

kau tahu betapa ku sayang padamu
hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
(hooooh)
hanya takdir menentukan ia
oh belaian jiwa

sayang padamu
hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
hanya takdir menentukan ia
oh belaian
hooooh
belaian jiwa
oh belaian jiwa

Innuendo - Belaian Jiwa Lyrics

14th of September 2005

P/S: Cut all the Slack, and give me Love.


Woo, i don't know what to type, as in, by using the words to express myself. After a long discussion with her, the situation is still kinda "unknown". What to do, right? As life is a paradox of a journey throught time and now and then.

2 years, it is not long,it is not short too, but its enough to make someone's change. Me and you. He and she. And the situation would still be unknown, even after 2 years. Is it so hard to be with the one you love. I know i cursed a lot to god or whatever, but he dont have to sentenced me in this, ha.

But however far away, how ever long it stays, what ever words i say, i will always be the same. Is it because of faithful, no. Is it because i've already spent the long enough time so i think its not worth so i must continue on what i am doing, no.

Remeber the questions you asked me?

Hey there, remembered i told you that i like you very much, and you asked me questions and reasons, why do i still have the feeling for you even thought we didnt meet up a lot, chat or even after you went overseas? I've didnt give you any answers because i dont have the words for you but now i found one songs that can describe my feelings to you. Well, hope you can read it one day. :) Just one thing, the reason may chnaged everytime, but my feelings for you stay the same.

I could not ask for more

Lying here with you

Listening to the rain

Smiling just to see the smile upon your face

These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive

These are the moments

I'll remember all my life

I found all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more



Looking in your eyes

Seeing all I need

Everything you are is everything to me



These are the moments

I know heaven must exist

These are the moments I know all I need is this

I have all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more



I could not ask for more than this time together

I could not ask for more than this time with you

Every prayer has been answered

Every dream I have's come true

And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be

Here with you here with me



These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive

These are the moments I'll remember all my life

I've got all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more



I could not ask for more than this time together

I could not ask for more than this time with you

Every prayer has been answered

Every dream I have's come true

And right here in this moment is right where I'm meant to be

Here with you here with me



I could not ask for more than the love you give me

'Coz it's all I've waited for

And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	mysterious
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	burn into my heart
Your touch is...	awakening my heart
Your smell is...	exotic
Your smile is...	entrancing
Your love is...	unique
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Been grown up isnt half that fun as growing up

Tried to write something here, but i just realised and start thinking, what should i put for the title. Its not easy when you got nothing special to write. Am really surprise why am i saying this.

Been rushing my assignment since yesterday. I ended up smoothly. Without obstacle thanks for the help from John Chang, he showed me a sample and it leads me to a flying start smoothly. Of course i do hope i score high for this because i hope to get a high score for it.

Determination is what i needed. It is something to keep me motivate to do all my things. I suddenly thought of, i am not a degree holder if i didnt complete my business degree, how scary. How am i going to look for a job, how are i going to build my own base. But luckily they were all in track.

Been thinking a lot recently, a best friend told me that i've changed a lot. He told me that i am a different people if compared to the old one in ADP last time :). I agreed with him that i've chnaged a lot because i know we will all grow up.

I think this is the best time for all of us while we were in college and secondary school, studying, doing stupid stuff, spending whole night thinking how to get that girl to notice you, creating havoc while teachers were teaching us in front of the class, throwing chalks to the teacher when her back is facing us, sneaked out of class to play football, splashing waters when someone was in the toilet, bully some form 2 kids,cursing among ourselves, taking off collegues pants, chocked when we learned the first smoke, tasting the bitterness of beers, stealing dad's liquor, buying condoms from the petrol station, vacation with a bunch of friends. We did create an anthem for ourselves, How nice was that!

Ah, Ataris( a band) did influence me for these thinkings and i like their songs very much. We are the 90's kids. These are the best time of our lifes.

This Could Be the Last Time

One more for the last time this could be,
You are the problem but can you feel it?
The one that is stealing my life,
I am without you since long time ago, yesterday was over
Running away without you,
Cant ressurect the memory from ashes,
holding on, still holding on by letting you go,
without letting you to tear apart my heart with all the holes again,
What can you do? No, i cant do anything when its a drain away.
I cant take it, cause i've waited long, long enough
I cant explain myself at all,
because i cant even explain the thing you cant explain
maybe its the best you leave me alone,
when the darkness turn to light :)
it ends tonight,
i swear i will miss you,
but yesterday was over,
and today, i am fine without you.

Believe and Faith

Speeding?Weird, i am speeding again, along with a proton, tail-gating people(which i hate it so much when people did it on me). I usually speed when there are less cars in the road...... but not this time around. He flashes the car in front of me that blocked our way, and i did the same, weird. Of course, you know buatan Malaysia, how to fight with a Japan made product even the machine is more then 10 years...

If you wonder why people like speeding, its not hard to get the answer. Basically speeding can give you a sense of "high", pumping adrenaline to your whole body. As for people with more "testestrone", basically they just want to win, win everybody, like the Ah Bengs that drive Proton with the cheap LED light...... Big Eksos, they got no sense of beauty at all by modifying their car with their own bad taste. If you got offended by me, then most probably you are one of them. Else, you will agree on what i've said.

Back to the point, why am i speeding again. Its even worst than last time i drive. There are always some reasons which i cant list them down here... I am rebellious, really i am if you know me long enough. Oh, not to forget, speeding reduce some distress as well : ). Which is a good thing for you little gals and guys. Stress, i've been in stress-pool recently. Really, the problems are like...... all coming out at once and they strangle me, but i hope they end at once. So sometimes its nice to leave me alone, and i need more space for myself and doing the things that i like.

I asked a few people about me recently. They give me all different type of answers. Some good some bad, some apply some are not even me when they are saying...gosh. And i found out that feedbacks on me change according to the different circle of friends. The friends that i know since secondry school which talk from time to time. Some are the friends i know more the first or second year in college, and some are those they i know from business department, and some are my best friends. The commnets they gave untill i also dun know who i am already sometimes.

Emotions are like Yo-Yo these few days, up and down, back to the top again and fall to the bottom again. I found myself stuffing my stomach with more and more food, i think this is a sickness which i forget what is it but perhaps someone can tell me(YO!!!, Especially the psychology students out there, sure got some beautiful term for me right? Hehe, no offence). Beside eating and speeding, i am facing the screen longer than facing people. I hope i will not make a U-turn back to my Form 3 and 4 behaviour this time...

Like what my aunt said, i am a question child, cause i ask a lot from her, this and that and everything. But i know is a good thing that she said i am finding myself, searching the path.

Not forget to mentioned, if you happened to bump into my site, which i doubt it. Thanks for everything you did for me in Hong Kong. I learned a lot from the things you told me although some i dont agree on it. I will pay you back the so called " investment".

Believe and faith is what i must have now. Besides that, disipline. Good luck for you Yong Jia. Muy Bien, thats all. 兵来将挡，水来土淹。That is what i always believe.

Please consult your parents if you want to read this passage! Dont read if you are those that can get offended easily!

Pissed to the max! Feel like punching the sandbags, i am going to get one, because i am so damn fucking pissed. Dont ask me to do things if you still want to complain so fucking much. Come out with a solution, not fucking speaking so fucking loud to me. I damn fucking hate people speaks so loud to me. My ears cannot stand loud voice, my heart beat will increase rapidly, no choice, thats me. To avoid the burn, say it nicely. Else someone will commit crime. So speak nicely and politely. I tried but i cant , i am so sorry that you are down again. Nothing can chnage this, so i suggest you to step back , think twice before you talk to me, else you will feel the fucking burn from me. I am not joking, i am not. The way of communication between you and me , totally fucking different but i dont know why. Weird, so long already but still the same.

He told me to do this and you told me that he did not told me about it. I jod down all the details by myself from him talking thru phone, but you said i am wrong, he said that but not this to you. Pathetic! How pathetic is that, Gosh, Fraking pissed off. so, money is not a problem, i can pay you back the amount of money if you want but you dont want it so its fine, but dont worry, i will pay you back with it. Where on earth....Yong Jia, you are digging your own fresh grave if you are still so steam after 15 minutes.... But yong jia said, its so fucking hard to calm down. Where got such people in the world...OMG.

Only people like that can create these fucking problems to the fucking world.

How long edi since i've become so hot temper just because of such small matter. Just because of a small fucking matter and i am so fucking pissed off. But who cares....no one cares, no one give a fucking damn, a fucking care, welcome to the world. Well come to the reality fucking world, yeah! its a fucked up world! And thats life.

Godspeed!

Have a debate/argument with my someone. I know i am not perfect, but i know what i am doing. Just wanted them to know whats my feeliings and all. I know i do disappointed them, but sometimes you just dont have the strenght to do it better. Maybe it is time for a change. Or i am just giving myself some excuses for not doing better, or plain laziness? Well, i know myself, the last one consists most of the reason.

Arg, felt so helpless and hopeless, can't help. Stop procastinating would be a good idea, do it straight away and darn, you are analysing wayyyyy to much on everything. Is a fuck up day. Really !! so fucking hate it.

Worst still, can you imagine disapointing yourself? Man, work on it so much but the outcome is not what you want, is it because of the stupidity? No, i am kinda smart, but why it happens, only myself know.

Anyway, there are always chnaces, it depends on, how are you going to work on it. I dont want to make things wrong and start missing a gal, its just the same like what we are facing.

A gal asked me, " is it because of your study habit that need a chnage"? Because i promised myself to do the things that i wanted to do right away and stop analyzing, so i straight away chnage my study habit. It do have a good start, so i hope i will continue to do so.

I am not holding back this time, i am on the run. Wish me godspeed.

Untitled.

In this world all of our sins are simple
We choose death over innocent life
And in this world it's not our money that's evil
It's the one's who choose it over life
And in my heart I cannot believe in this murder
And I will not be fed by the lies
Or the life that's created just to be murdered
It's murder

No matter how hard they try and
No matter how loud they cry
They can't
Buy their way into heaven
No matter how hard they try and
No matter how high they climb up the ladder
They won't reach up into heaven

And they can't see
The innocent lives
The pointless suffering
And in my heart I wanna undo all this murder
And give back their innocent life
Open cages and stop their luxurious murder
It's murder

Something Happened!

Well, something happened when i am in hong kong and it troubles me. Serious, mentally especially. Just want to say xxxx me for letting that thing happened.If i picked up the phone and ....arggg...stupid me. And i am freaking sure that i need to explain a lot when i am back, and i might lose THE CHANCE. This might happeend cuz he sounded serious...man.

As predicted, just that i dont want to face the truth a few days before. So i din think about it and i din seek for the answers. Now its comming out and i got to solve it quick. REAL QUICK.

11th day and will be back to Malaysia soon!

This is the 11th days i've been in Hong Kong and its a superb nice trip.

Gamble!!

Watched the movie about gambled which was directed by a Singaporean Actor, "Zhi Qiang" before? I bet a lot of the Malaysians and Singaporeans watched it before because his movies are kind of funny, and the most importantly, it make sense.

In the movie, it said something that make sense, on why people gamble, and here is the reason said by them, " These people gamble because that gives hope to them everyday. That is the reason why they were addicted to these behavior that we catogorized as bad. I kind of agrred on this phrase. People "sell-life" just to buy those tickets, lottery for hopes. They dreamed that once they strike the first prize, they will have a lot of money and strive less. Also, some of the bad phrases influenced by HK files suck as "you will stand a chnace if you forever gamble", this is a sucky phrase but still many people believe it. However, these noobs never think themselves on these phrases and what it really means.

Well, why i came up with such "article" out of a sudden, is because i got a chnace to see how these things recently, not that i didnt see these before. But it is the first time i felt so symphaty for these people...

These people spent a ringgit(RM) up to a few thousand just to "buy" the hope. They buy numbers, but they don't know the chnaces for thme to win a number is so so so so so so slight. Well, if you don't believe, you can ask Levin about it and he will calculate for you because his math is so darn good. They forever think that they will win one day. I saw some old ladies, paying money for the numbers they bought, old men doing the same thing like the old ladies, young guns like you and me parking their motorcycles outside the shop and buy the "heart-water" numbers when they are supposingly working and not spending time of these. I saw some house-wife, paying money for the numbers bringing empty buckets(arent they were supposed to be fill in with foods?), i even saw some look-a-like malays buying numbers although there is a sign-board in the shop saying,Gambling is prohibited for muslims, i thought these are against their Allah?

These people line-up in a long queue, or standing at the counter buysing writting the numbers. When the central offline , those that failed to buy the numbers will blame those typist because of their lack of efficiency indirectly casuing them failed to buy the numbers and lost the chnace to win the money.

But from my point of view, these people lose their soul, they failed because they were controlled by the desire, the disipline and the lust. Arent we human are well-known for self-control? What are the difference for human to n=animals if they cannot acheive this?

Some of the elders in the family said, "Xiao Du Yi Qing, Ta Du Shang Gan Qing", means, smaller bets do make you feel happy and nicer, it creates harmoney, but if you bet big, it hurts the relationship with someone. I kind of agree on this after i saw those variety behaviors recently.

IF i Failed to Plan, I Planned to Fail.

Seriously, what is it all about? Some showing-you-know-the-life theory? Well, i dont know. Recently, this is the quote that inspired me. How am i going to work this out?

Always i am the kind that lazy around not untill i am close to the deadline, i am so proud of myself for my ability to spent more then 24 hours for studying, assignments when its near the deadline but not leaving my job till the last minute. Well, my results wern't that good because of this reason that i cant kep my disiplin up to the level. My results were always on the margin of creit and pass. But luckily and unfortunately, i have someone supports me and i always take things or granted. But, i am changing.

I do beleive this is a very good start for me since i went to college, i chnaged a lot, i do feel it myself, i am becomming a better person if compared to last time.If i just hold on to one more second, just hold on to what myself are, i will wake up tomorrow. But am i not good enough for the world?

Someone that is important told me, "Jia, if you can consistently use your time for your studies, you might even get Distinctions". And i do believe myself if i set that as my vision of this summer, i can do it. But i do appreciate the someone that keep supporting me even thou i failed my subjects and not living up to his expectation, yet he always gave me his support. Yet, it seems so far for me to pay this "debt" back to him. When am i going to pay this and i am growing up everyday...

Went to watch movie with a idiot yesterdat, a midnight movie at around 12.30, called him up because there's a lot of mosses above my head... thanks for his accompany, but still, i want to say something, he sucks cuz i kept me waiting for 1 hour and 20 minutes...and this sucks because normally i i dont wait more then 30 minutes for guys...and he brought a gal with him too....how am i goign to chat with him?

Pool Side Party

Went to a pool side party. Darn, its happening, really love it, i thought i wouldnt enjoy there but IT Superb la. Play some outdoor game sbut i miss the outdoor fun because i don know how to swim and i think i really need someone to teach me how to swim(anyone pls offer me :( ).

Then after dinner, we played some indoor games, i think i won Rm 50 Bucks. Oh, we drank beer and we won, we were the group that drank all the 8 cans of beer. RM 100 Cash and A bottle of Henessy. Darn, its awesome. Got to know some really hot chicks as well. Mna, dont you think its wonderful. Later we open bottle and we play some stupid interesting games, Fuiyooh. and its great.

This was the first time for me to joined these party and i definitely would join for the next time if i do have the chnace and the time and the energy to join.

Read!

I've learned something that enlighten me recently,
Don't know why, its something that i knew,
Just that i didnt use it last time.Its because i am too naive or because of perspective chnaged.?

But one thing for sure, i have gone through the stage and went to a upper one.
Which is a good thing i think, its impossible for one to be on the same stage forever, time will change one person. And indeed, that event changed me, A LOT. Well, thats what people said, we learned from mistakes, and we gained experience.

Well, i din get what i want, something that i dream of last time. Soemthing that i craved so fucking hard and something that i put so much effort on it. It all went down to the drain : ). It did upset me a lot :), its hurts(maybe it hurted), the feeling of heartache. Fuiyohh, man, you really don't feel like trying it i tell you.

But there's no perfect in this world. THe bad things might not be the bad one's, and the good one's might not be the good one's. So, why should we guard it so hard untill we suffered? Its not HARSH to yourself, but you are damn stupid for letting go the things that you actually want and you think people will say you "wei ta" because of letting it go? No man, not at all. But indeed, you are very stupid, what kind of nonsense you are telling yourself? We do make mistakes. And we all did, Whats the big deal as long you tell yourself you will not committe to smomething like that.

Because of the reason you told me through msn that day? Damn, its BS, you can throw them and flush them away. Do you want her?If you love her so much, you can "dismissed" all the feelings yuo have, you can throw away you fucking ego, your fucking dignity.Tell yourself, you are not a quitter. Come on man, lets get real.

Man, why am i saying something different that i intended to say before this? Anwiay, i think i am going for a sleep and i will write soemthing later.

Deep and Meaningless

I, Dont know why missed you so much.
Yeah I, dont know why still feel your touch.
You, Lift me up and high and dry

Putting me into nothing but a dead connection,
If you call me today, i will say that i am fine,
but from the tone of my voice you can know that its just a lie.

Do you know what you were doing to me,
But yet i was too blind to see.

Collide

It's a shame what ones have become
When we hurt the ones we love
And its a place that you cannot go, anymore

When you collide you lose yourself
When you collide you break into 2
And as you push and you shove and you hurt the one you love,
Its a hard mistake
When you collide
you break,

When the cold comes crashing down,
and the fight lost what it's about,
I can tell you that you have left
Something that its a shame what you've become
When you hurt the one you love
Is a place that you cannot go.

Its a hrd mistakes
wheny ou collide.

Whole again

I will love you till the day i die
I would tell you how much i'll need you everyday
for my life long to love someone like you
with a heart silhouetted the perfect passion

I would try to be a better lover
i don't care if i lose my all
cause its you i've been dreaming for this life time
so here's my heart, waiting for you to take it baby

come and take my heart tonight
cause its u i've been waiting for all the while
come and take my heart tonight
make me whole again

I see clouds filling up the moon
and the green turning into blue and faded
i would say things were wrong and now i'm missing you
i will have to make amends cause it'll be till the end

do you think i would stop for what i've been leaving out these nights
girl i've been craving you'd be mine, all mine
you are all that have made my life, i wont let you down this time
baby i want you back here in my life forever.

Hold On!

To anyone out there:

I hope you are doing better,
One step Closer to Recovery,
I wish there is something i could say,
To erase each and every page that you have been thru, the bad ones.

But, i wont listen to you giving up,
Just hold on for one more second,
IF you just hold on for one more second,
you will wake up tomorrow.

Hey, wake up wake up
You got to believe,
you got to wake up,
You got to stand still, to guard the ground,
time keeps going on without us.

Just hold on, and just hold on,
if you feel like letting go.

Life is pretty boring here after i finished my year 1 and left one year 2 sub. No more assignments, no coll, which is pretty bad for me becaus ei got nothing to do besides staying at home wathcing TV's program, online, eat, sleep....bla bla bla and the list go on.

I think i got the chnace to re-sit for the paper. Why is that, because i got a DI for assignment. YES, kinda relieve......Finished all the assignments, final's is one month away from today, plenty of time to play around.....college life, yeah, not bad. Finally!

first time!

Its a crisis today, feel the pressure, feel something really on me, presing hard on my shoulder, my heart beats fast, i felt nervous even after a few hours, sense of guiltytill now this time i am writting, still, its like hunting you, till you are goned....this is not a good feeling, its the very few times that i felt like this, how long i din feel this kind of pressure on me, perhaps its a time for chnage? to be more dedicated? or to be more hardworking? well i dont know man....

Know what i din go for my final examination for my marketing paper......its a disaster. I missed it, altho sickness could be a good reason to push things off, but still, i feel bad on this. Thi si the first time man...how could it be like this? It supposed to end last semester, but i brought it to next semester...man, how could it be.

No, prepared for the worst, hope the best...hope everything will turn up nicely for me in the end, the grant me for a re-sit, they accpet my reasons. And thanks for Kuan fong for helping me in this, i really bothers him today with all the call, but he still explained all the process to me patiently altho he is working. Really, thanks a lot.

Thats all for today's blog...man, i can really feel it this time.

*Speechless*

Dont know why, i am getting more and more secretive nowadays......is it because of certain things that happened on me over these few weeks? I dislike rumors, i dislike the people that cannt mind their own business, i dislike the strangers that talked about my stuff, its my business, not yours, please dun come into my life and please dun involved in my fucking private life. Anythign got to do with you? Man....

I leanred how to relief, i learned how to handle more things at once, i leanred how to keep the pressure away on me like wat i mentioned b4(the mandrin blog). Seriously, i've been affected by all the rumors that created by peoples, that i dislike, that i am not close with, i hate being in the focus light sometimes, especially the bad onces, i just hate it.

I learned how to be secretive, i learned how to keep more things private, how to hide something, not all the people will help you, please, dont be so pure untill you think everyone in this world is good till they will help you, or let you to relieve your steam, no way man. Choose, Choose those that you can trust. Dont ever ever reveal anything that you think its importan, especially the stuff that involved third parites..... , learned how to choose. Its the key.

Once again, wat am i talking you can ask me if you dont undertsand, but dun espect you can get clear answer from me cuz i might not be able to fullfill anything requirement.

Stubbornness

Is it good to be stubbron? There's no exact answer on this and it depends. Really, what make me say this?

There's no wrong to hold on something that you think its right, your principles, your theory. Why? Convince me to chnage my view on this :). If you can, please, go ahead and try. Of course, when you were exposed on something, definitely you will chnage your view on these "values". It dont have to be convinced.

But well, i do learn something recently. Letting go is one of the best way to not letting yourself down. A way to make you not suffer, a way to pass through all the hassle. Well, it really deprends.

What am i talking about? Do you understand? Well, if you dont, please try to ask me, but well, dont blame me on not giving you the answers because i dont really knows what i am talking about.

Ciaoz...

Sickness

Man, imagine, 5 days sickness and still havent fully recovered yet? Imagine, sorethroat, headache, feeling cold and hot, man, this is bad, something's wrong with my body. Still young, i cannot afford to be like this. The matore yong jia goned edi.Aiks......

Sleep early, but woke up in the morning at 4 o clock...man. The cannot sleep again, treid hard to sleep but still....why why why?

Going out today at night for the red Carpet Business Ball Celebration, goona HAve FUN. Later on will have something else, too bad but i cannot tell you wat is it.


finsh report-

重新再来的他！

最经他不是过得很好，不是因为他过得不够充实，我想！他应该是过得太过充实了！几乎充实得有点过分，你们也一定会想，此人一定是再说什么疯话了！再次无说八道！可恶！
他最近也不知道是什么东西对他纠缠不清，怎么东西都是围绕着他不放！可是，不管怎么样，他也学着怎么样面对是非，怎么样去学会失去他喜欢的人，怎麽样去承 受压力，怎么样去面对一摞摞的问题，跟麽样去渡过那难挨的日子。我想他也应该学会了人生中的不少道理吧！不错，人是必须劳其胫骨，才会变得更加强。这也算 是人生必经之路，就如生老病死那样。
我也对他说，其实这是他咎由自取，他怎么能犯下这从低级的错误呢？明明知道人言就如毒蛇办得可畏，怎么还会泄露出去呢？哎！要怪只能怪他自己了！我只能告 诉他，要从错中学习过错！只要能从错中学习到，什么都是值得的。这次的困扰，算是什么呢？

第一，我和他说，不是什么人都可以信的，之前他还傻乎乎般的一位全世界的人都是他的好朋友，现在他它应该知道味道了，什么东西都是由正和负的，是不可能有 极端的东西的，更何况世界上是没有一百巴仙的好人，也不可能有着全部的坏人。在此次的教中，他学会了，做东西是要选着性的去做。
第2，就如第一说所得，做事情是不可以极端性的去做，而是应该算选着性地去做。
第3，百忍是金。忍耐是成功的关节。想要得到某些东西，忍吧！只要你还在，那怕会没有机会呢，所以，只有忍耐了。
第4，做人，应该学会懂得如何完转，当然不是教你去扭曲事实。学会完转，事情就会事半功倍了。何以见得？只应人类都生了个大脑，因为人都是不同的，他们的 处世态度，他们的想法。只有靠着更婉转思路和说法，才不会得罪人，至少，可以传达你想要传达的讯息。直话直说可能船达不到你的讯息，还可能会的罪人呢？学 习完转，何乐而不为呢？

再来，就是要学习如何懂得放开，何时拥有。

再来就是不要八卦，这是人家的事情，为什么你要管呢？人言可畏啊！再来，我也想对那些不相干的人说一声，这是人家的私事，干你们什么屁事！少管闲事，做好自己的东西吧！



其实，他也不想就这样关掉那扇门，他也不想就这样就放弃，不想让这件事情就这样的结束，他多么的希望能够局续下去。告诉他，他该怎么样作，你又要些什么。

就这样的让爱俏俏的刺入他的胸膛，空着的房间就有如空着的心，你的爱就别在纠缠了。

Could it be any harder!

Feel the way,left me with goodbye and open arms, a cut so deep that i dont deserve, you were always invincible in my eyes, the only thing against us is time, couild it be any harder to say goodbye without you thru the journey, could it be any harder to watch you go, and to have you one more day.

I blind myself with laughter, now i wish that i could turn back the hours, but i just know that i dun have the power. Is it, there's nothing if compare to saying goodbye without you. I listend close to your every words, as if is your last, even thou the words make me feel sad.

I am all alone, i wish you din go, i wish you din go away, to touch your again, with the life in your hands, could it be any harder.

Redang Trip

Overall not bad. Kinda enjoy, ust that theres some hassle in between that confused me, that affected me, that make me a bit down. But hey, i asked someone to apply sun block for me, but the maldavian go and kacau me and apply the suntense(thats how you spelled?) Gosh, make till my body turn into dark golden color, man. We went snokering(thats how you spelled?) well, i got no idea, i actually asked a girl to look at me cuz i dont know how to swin. But in the end, i think i know because i did swimmed. Yes, unbelievable, thats a good pre-training for my journey to Austrlia not long ago. LOL. And thanks for Queenie, a 24 years old pretty fair looking lady holding my hands all the time to jaga me nicely. Thanks if you ever read this and being a very good listener.

Well, i think thats all from me at the moment, sorry for the delayed because i got no time to blog b4 this. :P. enjoy your days.

匿名的宝贝！

我思念在你眼中那一片海水,
有一种让我心痛得泪,
于是我选着我自己孤单的睡,
下半辈子让我不相性的理由,
我想是你对不对?

你是个匿名的宝贝，
藏在我心里得眼泪，
不管你带走甚么，
我都因为爱过你觉得美，
永远不忘记你的我，
像一个孤魂和野鬼，
在这个世界上受苦，
风吹雨打，
我都无所谓。

你是个匿名的宝贝，
藏在我心你飞呀飞，
如果能有哪一天，
请你回头看我一眼醒了没，
不必安慰我，
你知道我不累
爱你又怎么会累。

在一次再在雨中看着天黑,
我觉得我在人海你潜水,
带你的名字飞往东南西北,
我要让这个地球上除了我再也没有人能知到你是谁,你又是我的谁!

匿名的宝贝,是你是你,爱你我不会累.

-Untitled-

Oh, finally finished my HELP IDOL event. I miss the fun, i miss the challange, miss the process runnig things and solving problems. Why do humans always look back. Why they complained while doing it but say something like, i miss this and that after all. Well, i know, and i think you know too because we are humans that will never appreicate things in front of us.

3.18.2005 will be one of the special day for me also. Nay, i dont know what to type, not because i got nothing to say, but my brain is full of infor, and full of things, but yet, i cant write them and post them up. BUt it will be a different way round if i know how to type mandrin words by using this computer.

So the next big event will be the RED CARPET on 7th April. Well, just that i need to sell some tickets. I am not really into this because i dont find it interesting, not challeneg enough because its not the thing i want, i dun like the wy that my upper head handle things, yeah, because his way will never be mine, i will never fancy and favor them because i dont like it. yup, he can be a good freind but not a excellent one because i dont like his thinking.

Wah, 2 more assignments to go, this comming one will be susah because i got no idea what the lecturer wants, i got no outline for it, i got no structure either. So how can you build a house like that, i am not like some Director can put a film up without using and scripts. I cant. And the Buyer Behaviour will be easy becasue someone photostated the assingment when the lecturer went to have his lunch, LOL, its fun enough thou. Anwyay, no contents will be copy, just that we need an idea from it.

So my flashes...gosh, I WANT YOU. I feel like ravaging you, explore you totally, but what i need now, is time.

Car Racing!

Ok, i raced with 5 cars including me. I am sure the road users din see these kinda racing b4. Its actually kinda dangerous because they were cars all around.

I am not intot he racing actually untill a proton pick on me, he drove very near to me. and there were the other 2 cars at his back. So, for the fun sake, i press the paddle and raced with them. We were cutting around(fuiyoh, damn dangerous, its kinda scary when i think back). And the perdanain front of me saw me following to closel , he decided to join the race as well, but too bad, it only last for 1-2 kilometers becasue theres a lot of cars on the raod. Its not fun enough, the adrenaline rush is not that high either. And i pull myself out because.......too many cars on the raod.

Well, its kinda relieve because it actually did help to reduce stress. But i know tis not good because it will affect people and a negligence will be chnage on me if something really happeend.

Could it be you?

How do i describe the undescribable feelings to you?
I will try to explain my feelings that are true
Thinking by myself, how can i bring my heart to you

Thousand of words that canot be describe,
All of the words in all of my life that could never be explain and could never be define,
All the love for you that i cant hide.

In your presence, i will forever choose to live
As my heart ls flickering
I will choose a little pain to gain a whole life with joy

If only these were true
Then i would fall in love with you,
Are you the special girl?
I am looking for one,
Are you the special girl?
Could it be you?

I can do something stupid,
in front of everyone,
writting stupid things,
But, it wouldnt mean a thing
Untill i find that special girl.
Could it be you?

When i will find the special one.

I dont know why some people just love to spread secrets that someone told the other guy. Weird and the guy sure go and share them with someone else and in the end, all know. Whats wrong, he go and tell you and you just keep it with yourself la, he knows that you can give good suggestions and all but still?

Seriously, its hard to trust someone nowadays when you trust him but telling him things and he go and tell someone. What the heck! Okok, sounded childish.

Aiks.....got to cathc up now. Kinda lagging.

Oh Yeah!!!

Darn it, i joined HELP IDOL and BIZ because i wan tto meet more people and have fun, of ocurse, not to forget learn how to organized things more effectively and more efficiently. But all the things happend were against my will. Darn it, whats the point for me to join then. Well, i dun care anymore, i will just gao dim the things that i am responsible with. That all and onece for all, all for once.

Thats Life

Well, still working on HELP IDOL but i am kinda sick of it because of uncertainty. Plans keep on chnaging and its freaking him out. Well, of course, the wise yong jia still can bared with all the thing, just that he fell that the organiser, the top people, did not respect him.

He planned for things edi, but, why people want to change them, giving last minutes job, well, he can, but his team members cant? and he will be the one saying, okok, bare with it, okok, do it, okok....bal bal bla. In the end, some people will even lose the respect.

And he was asked to sell tickets....damn, he hate the job actually, bugging people to buy tickets....because of the help idol thing, just for 10 bucks and he is bugging people. So, how people will response next time when they see him, once he open his mouth, the people will said, okok, dun offer me anything. This is what i hate because thats exactly the same thing that he give responses to soemtimes.....what the heck man.

And the adviser told the head, no you got to bare with the cost if you cannot sell, Rm 400 you need to pay her. Thats what he heard when the top and his head was discussing and its so annoying when your adviser told you that, imagine, the whole logistic div is helping out for the sales, but you were being told this.

damn, come on. Anyway, he feel great because the teams are still willing to coordinate.

Chinese New Year

Ahh, i just cant wait for it. damn, since when i like CNY that much? since i am young la. Why, because i can get a lot of red packets from relatives, and some dad's friends.

I want to balik kampung, i want to see al the people that i want to see, i want to gamble, chor di, then i want to go back to K.L again to visit my grandma, just cant wait, 1 week holiday for CNY is just toooooooooooooo short.

Wish everyone that read this. Happy Chinese New YEar.

More then 7 cans of beer and 3 shots of vodka.

Ok, freddy's farewell party, not a bad one thought and its fun i think , at least for me, met up with some old ADP mates, like Jeremy, Justin, Freddy, Stephen, Jerry etc etc. I dranks a lot of beers and 3 shots of vodka and i am feeling the effects now, like gonna headache soon...

Dizzy, sleepy, but dun feel like bathing is want i am think g of, ahhh....anyway, i will end here cause i think its the end of my day.

Tell the Truth

See, there are couples that always ask their mates to tell the truth, so that they will know what their partners are thinking of. Yes, i agree on that too. But how do you define the truth, he or she tells you everything? Or selectively? Just picking the points or facts that he or she needs to know is more then enough.

Well, i do think the first one sounds correct, but adding the second would be the best for me. I always thought telling the whole truth was the best thing because you don't have to lie. But things sometimes dont go that way, because if you tell the truth exactly, it might hurts somebody, or you might need to bare with some of the uncertainties somewhere out there. Unless, he or she asked for it.

So my point for today's topic is, Tell the truth, but selectively. Don't shout out the situation or things that you know, unless he or she asked for it.

Whats the point for telling the whole truth, i dont see any one will benefits from there, as i said, unless he or she asked for it. I am now talking about the interaction between people, not matters that deal with money, business etc etc and the list goes on and on, i am not. By telling the whole truth, you might make a simple thing turns into a complicated one. Its so simple from the beginning but you might just ruined things.

By telling the "truth", someone might just formed certain. expectation from you. They will set higher target and they thought you can fullfill his or her dream, who knows? So dont let people fomred high expectation from you, thats what i always believe, surprise always bring better results. :) But bare in mind, i am not asking you to tell lies, that is a no no. But truth as in selectively. So, how far do you agree on this, please comment.

Let the time speaks

Time can prove everything, just let it be.

I hate one of my primary teacher very much last time, she scolded me in front of my classmates, use the bamboo stick to cane me, twist my ears, throwed my exercise books, damn, i hate her so much that time. The essay that we hand up, if you din put either a comma at the end of the sentence, you need to redo again, copy the whole essay again in the same exercise book. Although i am not the only one facing this, but i just felt like everyone is looking at me. Lucky, i am the more open-minded kind, it din really affect my self-esteem, just that she boost up my rebelious energy to fight with her. Notto do the work that she gave, but i dare not to fail her test because you will bash up by your parents.

She will punish the students that are late for class, either she will cane you or asked you to do something to satisfy her. If you speak in the class, she will just ask you stand up, if she heard your voice again, you will stand on the chair, the worst thing, you will be standing on the table... Luckily, i am on up to the second level. It happened because i talked again after she asked me to stand on the floor. Dont know why, i feel that she lacked of love from her boyfriend or something like that because she is not married yet at her age. Or if it happened in the last period of the class, you will be penalised, you can only leave the class after everyone left the class, but most of the time, more then 10 students will be "delayed" by her. So, i just think that that was kinda fun, at least, you got someone to stand with you.

Among the students, we always talked bad about her, we called her bad names such as , LOU KU PO(old virgin, we dont really know the meanign that time because we learned it from TV program), Sei 8 Po and things like that. I think she knew it too just that she din say anything. Still remember, thats the last day for our school, i am standard 2-3 , i forget the exact one. But i did something real bad at the time.

I throwed away the duster, i broke the broom into half, i used the liquid paper that i got from home and vandalise her table(the table in her class) and i messed up the class. Its the last day of school, BUT too BAD at that time, the class rep complained to the teacher, she called me and surprisingly, she din scold me, she said, " i know you dont like me but you dont have to mess up the class, its a hard work from you classmate to get the first prize everyweek for the cleanliness of the class, its very childish to do that ". I am freak out by her action because i tot she will just scold me and i will not give her a damn and just run away because tis the last day. Who knows......and this give me a lesson.

Anyway, i would like to say thank you to this teacher because she taught me a lot of things, do things need to be responsible, must noticed even thought the small tiny little things like comma( altho i foeget sometimes, still). really thanks you and i appreciated. Something the teachers that are willing to scold you are better then those that just keep quiet and just walked off after classes.

Time can prove all the things, heal the wound etc etc.

When she walks away, he dies again, when she comes back, he's alive again. He so tired again, but things will remain the same, she is the only onehe loves. Will he ever love again? He tried, but she still the only love he known. She's never hise, she's always away from him, but she's the love that brought him to the edge. She the love, his doubts were all cleared when she is with him, she killed of all the loneliness when she is with hime, but she's never his.

Will he ever love again, he tried, the feelings were not the same, she can never be subsided. But he will try to forget she if she can be loved by someone. He always feel the same when she is gone, when she went back to someone's. He is sick and tired of waiting, he is soffocating.

Will he ever be love again?

GOD

GOD bless you, GOD give us the free will, GOD give us the power, get yourself nearer to GOD, accept GOD so that he can show you the way....oh, my GOD

Really, religion is a believe. Is a Believe to get us back on track, is a guideline for us.

However, not that i go against these things, just that, its not convincing enough. Pray hard, thats the thing that i heard quite often, but whats the use without action? Staying there and PRAY , your wish will come true? Your love one will love you more, GOD will wipe away your tears? HEY, NO WAY. IF you believe that , you must take action by yourself, to make it come true. Theres NO use for you to keep on praying, just praying, keep praying and the things you wish, the thing you want, will go to your way.

No one can give you anything, unless you try it out. You wait for him to compile you both, no way, you GOT TO DO IT THAT BY yourself, its so clear that you are the one not accepting him, but you are trying to push this responsibility by saying wait untill "we both" are compatible. Please, if you dont like him, DONT waste his time vby giving him the the damn hope. Finish it off before he is closer to the edge of falling. Pull him back before its too late. No, dont give him any chance because time will heal the wound. How long you pulled him for this relationship? 1 years, 2 years? Gosh, let him go. GOD WILL not want this to happen.

If the guy is trying to be with you by putting away his pride and humble, the relationship will not last long, unless he is as faithful as you. But can he be like that? Will he be happy for the rest of his life after he found out that you are the one that make this happened. For only praying and the faith will happened? Gosh, i dun believe in that unless you, yourself make it happen, let it happen.

The things that you said contradicted. Please, leave him alone.

Its 21st century now, and please, be open minded. Its a believe but its not a thing that affect your own decision.

Patrotism!

Ok, altho i din hang up the national flag during some big days like the independant day, but it doenst mean that i dun like the MY COUNTRY(heard that the culture ministry?), altho i dun like my national car, but that doenst mean that i dun like my country(proton heard that, its 2005, improve yourself or else i cant buy cheap cars in the near future, i want my city now, i want to see more cars model), altho paying the highway shipment of money and bridges are not functioning by the way that they should(whats your response for that SAMI?), but that donest mean that i dun like my country just because of these reasons.

I love my country, like what i mentioned before. Why? because this is my root, i borned here, untill the day i die, i will still spill my heart for Malaysia. Why, because i love my country very much. I ate the rice that gronw in Malaysia(altho i am eating some Cambodia's one now), i breath in the air here in Malaysia, Pee and Poo here(joke a bit la), almost i did all my things here in Malaysia. Sometimes, i dun know why people still complain about this and that....duhz.

The gals and women in Malaysia are just wonderful, they are pretty, they are dress up modern"ly" but still conservative in their own way, altho you still can see some Ah Lian wearing some ball events dressing walking up and down in the Pasar Malam, but still, thats Malaysia, dun you think its wonderful? it wouldnt be Malaysia anymore if you can see this all around in your own country, Malaysia.

But hey, can you please stop complaining and you want to migrate to somewhere, Australia? Uncle Sam? England? Duhz, please do so because you are the only one thinking that the moon outside there is nicer, but please bar mind, theres always Pros and Cons. You can only see the good side because you are in a selective mode. You choosed to see the good side, but not the bad one. No i dun think its trendy for you to complained about Malaysia and you want to migrate, IF YES PLEASE DO SO, WHY R U STILL HERE? Is it because everyone is saying that, and thats why you followed? YAY? NAY? Come on, please make up your own mind, refuse to be a follower. Gosh, what you mom and dad teach you? Spoon feed a lot? If yes, then you should learn from that, gosh, you are a disgrace to all of us.....

I love Malaysia.

Drugs for me

Stay with me, you are the one that i need, just make the things easy, you are the drugs for me. Lay back, we will do this right tonight, its the time for a good show, kiss me with your cherry lipstick, i will never wash them off, leave me with the love you made, not stopping......your lips will go dry, but they are sweet inside, not stopping, no one will know us tonight.

Let it happen.

Fakeness

Friends? Why you need friends? Because you want to get to know them? Or because you want to help them? Because you just want to be freinds with them? Being unconditional? Well, i dun really believe in that although it happened sometimes, just that the chances are very very very slim. But why? because most of the time,i believe that when something benefits you, only the relationship forms. You will only know who are your real freinds when something happened, or when you both of you go through something.

Sounded realistic? Nay, thats the real thing, just that no one will to tell the truth when no one mention that. Sometimes, the one that you though is being real, but actually, he's not. Why you dont know, because he/she can really acts out. They can tell the lies that will never suspect them whether they were telling the truth or not. They can be so truthful, their facial expression, their tone, their body language... inexperience will believe in them because they were such a good actor.

Cant they just go straight forward to the point by saying, " NO?" Cant they just tell you the real reason why he/she refused to help? Is it really that hard to reject someone? Well, i do understand why this happened. When you rejected someone by no doing the object a favor, the someone will show you one kind of face, or the object will bug you for help, or the object will just remained quiet but when you turn your back away from the object, the object will say something bad behind you. But why do you want to care what others said? Is it really a big deal for you? Dont you think its worthless by letting these "judges" to affect your decision, to stopping you being the real self?dont you think these are the people that are useless because they dont even understand you. They tell that you are difficult, but, so are they. Cant you just dun give a fucking damn on that?

Well, thats human, its understandable, because human stay under one another shadows. People are so contradicting sometimes, they said this, but they act the other round. Some even treid so hard to become a philosopher by saying what others said, dont you heard familiar and similar speech and sentence all the time? They give you some long old mother story and turn a big round to reject you. But they still acting like they have done a huge favor for you even thou they did shit and made you will feel bad just to ask for help from them.

Well, i cant generalise things because there are still some true poeple in this world, and i salute you for that :).

relieve!

So, finish my exams, kinda relieve, the subjects that i dun worried did quite badly, and the other way round for the 2 other subjects that i worried, dun you think its weird? Gosh.

Anyway, i would like to thank a guy for spending time for me on these subjects, you know who you are ok if you ever read this :), thanks.

LETS PARTY!!!!!

爱与诚

爱与诚曲：曹雪芬@宇宙大爆炸 词：林夕 编：
其实自己一个更开心 只等你讲
其实大家早已嫌大家却扮忙
恨有多一点碰撞
仍然无聊事干不敢打搅对方
要是你愿意 诚实讲一趟
彼此都起码觉得释放
不要哭 我也忍得了这些年来的委曲
没法真心爱下去 只好真心真意的结束

* 别再做情人 做只猫做只狗 不做情人 做只宠物至少可爱迷人
和你不瞅不睬 最终只会成为敌人
沦为旧朋友 是否又称心
没有心 只像闲人 若有空
难道有空可接吻 注定似过路人陌生 你怎么手震 (这预告 发自虔诚内心) *

长期被迫恋爱也真比 失恋更惨
长期扮演若无其事般 更困难
是我专登反应慢 明明为时甚晚
牌一早该要摊 再像我伴侣
仍望多一眼 一生都将会记得今晚
Repeat *

对不起 自动分手错愕的你怕会伤感
盲目的我 现在也可转台来贺你新生
别再做情人 做只猫做只狗 不做情人
做只宠物至少可爱迷人
和你相交不浅无谓明日会被你憎
沦为旧朋友 是否又称心 没有心
只像闲人 若有空 难道有空可接吻
注定似过路人陌生 你怎么手震

1-1-2005

BBQ with family. 11 pieces of chicken meat, drumstick,tie and wings. Gosh, thats a lot man, just kinda boring so i ate a lot. Planned to visit Xaviz for some Vodka and Martini but i din go in the end because dad doesnt allow me to join them, so, sitting outside bbq-ing alone,my counsins were kinda noisy but i didnt scold them. So pieces by pieces and my stomach ended up with 11 pieces of chicken, some hotdogs, and some drinks. Kinda full, as predicted, my cholestrol and weight increase rapidly yesterday. Not to forget my pimples...gosh, it was huge.

Kinda boring, because its exam. It ruined my day, dont you just hate it when everyone is celebrating and you need to study just because of exams....and the holidays for us only last for 2 weeks, thats superb short man.


Ok, time for dinner. Going out.

HAPPY NEW YEAR Girls and guys.